(As I write that very fact, I just caught myself thinking "Ok... Well that's not quite true... if I were in prison and I stomped out or laughed at the gaurd I DOUBT freedom would be mine to have, yet... the only reason I would find myself in prison would be for preaching God's word where it's not allowed... and then I would hope that I could laugh in the face of the enemy knowing God would have victory... that would be freedom... spiritually and that's what matters most!) anyway...
Well, this week's work with Blaze brought back old memories from this time last year... only, what we are going through with him this time is not quite so severe. Earlier last week we got Blaze out of the pasture for the first time since the fall. I got him out and instantly he was spooked by things that were sitting out in our yard. He turned to face me, reached out with his front feet to try to get the lead rope loose form my grip and he kicked and bucked just a little. Rob immediately took him, realizing this was potentially dangerous. Rob walked him down the driveway and back to calm him down. I tried to walk along with them, but because of Blaze's spunk, they were walking too fast, I tried to give Rob some advice on how to reposition Blaze, but nothing was being communicated very well, and of course the devil was right there getting me to doubt myself, so I walked back to the house and let Blaze and Rob go off together. I felt like such a total failure.
When Rob came back he asked me if I wanted to work with Blaze. To be honest, I was still quite frightened from the way Blaze had reached out at me with his front hooves, and I wasn't quite ready to conquer this fear. So Rob and I let Blaze graze in the front yard for a while. Rob told me he really felt like I needed to go and take Blaze for a walk by myself to get over the fear and prove to myself that I could do it. I just said "no... not today" and sat back on the porch reading a book and ignoring what was right. Then God spoke to me through a hawk and some crows... (see recent post at http://krotzers.blogspot.com) and I KNEW I had to look past the fear and doom to experience true freedom, in life, and at that instance with Blaze. I went up to him and took a hold of his lead rope, asked Rob to go with me (he is an amazingly supportive, patient husband) and off we went for another walk.
Blaze started off pushy and with a little attitude, he really didn't want to leave the green grass he was munching on. Eventually, as we moved forward together, he pulled me along. I knew this wasn't optimal, Blaze shouldn't see himself as the leader, but rather the follower. So I stopped him and pushed him back to the right position slightly to the right side and a step behind me. I had to do this three times to get the message across to him, I was so happy that I had the guts to do it, it was frightening turning nearly face on with a disobedient horse and pushing against a muscle mass that is truely big enough to push his way right over top of ME if he wanted to. Blaze did pretty well the rest of the way down our 3/4 mile driveway and back. I was so proud of him. I worked on getting him to halt and he did great with that too! At one point I stood head to head with him and just loved him and he had a perfect compliant spirit.
Once we were back at the house, I brought Blaze up to the pond which he is terribly afraid of. I walked in with my rubber boots on and splashed around, and after a few minutes of sidestepping and snorting, Blaze walked right in too... without me forcing him. The way he "pawed" at the water before stepping in was a priceless thing to watch.
So not only did I feel freedom from my major fear, Blaze did too! A double victory!! And I am so glad God got the victory and not our fears!
